


Remembrance of Things Past

by sartiebodyshots



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Antiva, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Past Torture, Post Game
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-18
Updated: 2016-06-18
Packaged: 2018-07-15 19:12:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7235074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sartiebodyshots/pseuds/sartiebodyshots
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sereda remembers every detail of the nightmare that Zevran had in the Fade.  Zevran doesn't want to talk about it until years later when he's reminded of his past while hunting Crows in Antiva.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Remembrance of Things Past

The Fade leaves Sereda feeling absolutely exhausted.  Maybe that’s not how the Fade is supposed to work, considering the elves, humans, and qunari all go there when they’re asleep, but for a dwarf- this dwarf at least-, the Fade is exhausting.  Although, she did like becoming a golem, did like crushing her enemies underneath unbreakable stone fists.

But it also sparks a new appreciation for being alive in her.  After seeing all the lost spirits, sapped of energy and defeated, Sereda realizes that she had been acting like that since leaving Orzammar.  It’s understandable, but now she has to move past that.   

There are people who care about her and people she cares about, and she realizes that at some point, she became invested in something other than killing darkspawn, her people’s ancient enemy.  She wants to save the surface.  What a surprise.

Speaking of people she cares about… Sereda looks across the fire to where Zevran is lying and watching the stars.  Everyone else in the Fade was given some fiction, but Zevran was given a piece of his own past.  A terrible, painful part.  

Sereda across camp, looking down at Zevran.  His face goes from contemplative to an easy smile.  His ability to hide his own feelings is almost inspiring, at least it would be if it didn’t scare her.

“Hello, dear Warden,” Zevran says.  “To what do I owe this pleasure?”

“Can I talk to you?” Sereda asks.

“Of course,” Zevran says, sitting up.  “Although, you look quite serious.”

“This is just how my face is,” Sereda says, sitting next to him.

“Ah, Warden, you forget that I have watched your beautiful face.  I know when you are looking more serious than usual,” Zevran says.  “Did you not enjoy your time in the Fade?”

“Except for becoming a giant golem and smashing people with my rock fists, not really,” Sereda says.  “I’m very glad that I won’t have to go back again.”

Zevran chuckles.  “Ah, dreaming is not so bad.  Sometimes beautiful Wardens appear.”

Sereda raises an eyebrow.  “How much do you remember about the Fade?”

“Not much,” Zevran says, much too easily.  “How much do you?”

“All of it,” Sereda says.

“Ah,” is all Zevran says, but the way he’s looking at her, all cool and calculating, reminds her of how they met.  

“While I would understand if you never wanted to talk about it, if you ever did-”

Zevran cuts her off.  “How can I discuss what I do not remember?  I believe that your time in the Fade has confused you.”

Sereda sighs a little and nods.  She’s not going to push this.  Not now.  “It did.”

Zevran’s easy smile returns.  “Do not worry, dear Warden.  It’s understandable.  Now, let us return to more pleasant matters.”

* * *

It’s years before it comes up again.  Sereda doesn’t quite forget, but it does drift towards the back of her mind.  She rebuilds the Wardens in Ferelden before disappearing off to Antiva to help Zevran.  

They kill and they kiss and the way that Zevran leads makes Sereda feel warm inside.  She knew that he had the skills to lead, given the chance, and she’s glad to get to see it.  

Sereda knows that something is wrong as soon as they walk into the room.  It’s not a big room, but before Sereda can scan it, she notices Zevran tensing beside her.  

He’s not tensing for battle, but like he’s scared, and when Sereda looks up at him, his eyes are wide and looking around unsteadily.  His mouth hangs open as he breathes in and out far too fast.

Looking around the room, Sereda realizes that there’s a rack sitting beside various other unpleasant looking devices and she remembers his nightmare from the Fade, all those years ago.  Oh.  

She also remembers all those times when she was overcome with panic and Zevran calmed her down.  She’s never been on this side of things, but Sereda remembers what he’s done and does her best to imitate him.

“Zevran,” Sereda says in a firm but not too loud voice.  “You’re safe.  I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but you’re safe.”

Zevran is looking around helplessly, and Sereda takes his hands, squeezing gently to get his attention.  He’s looking around the room and starting to curl in on himself a little.  This is the part where Zevran puts his face between her and whatever is causing her to freak out (usually the sky), but that’s much easier for Zevran to do.  He looks over her head, easily.

“Let’s go in the next room,” Sereda suggests.  

Zevran is concerningly compliant and lets her pull him into the corridor.  Even when the door to the other room shuts behind them, he’s still breathing too fast and looking at something that she can’t see.  

“I want you to listen to the sound of my voice, okay Zevran?  I know you don’t feel like it, but you’re safe.  Because the Crows can’t hurt you anymore.  So try to breathe evenly and remember that you’re not alone now,” Sereda says in the same soft and firm tone.

His hands are shaking in hers, sweat turning them slick and clammy.  She squeezes as she keeps murmuring soothing words to him.

Ever so slowly, Zevran comes back to himself.  His breathing evens out as his legs start to shake, and he stops looking around quite so desperately.  He leans against the wall and starts sliding downwards.  

Sereda takes the opportunity to finally get in his line of sight.  She smiles reassuringly at him, not wanting him to see how afraid for him she is.  There’s something particularly terrible when the enemy you have to fight is in your head.

“Ah, I’m sorry, my dear,” Zevran says, voice shaking.  “I seem to have been… taken by surprise.”

“It’s okay,” Sereda says, not sure how he wants her to proceed.

“You must think I am very foolish, to react in such a way to a room,” Zevran says, looking away from her.

“No,” Sereda says, squeezing his hands again.  “I remember your Fade nightmare, Zevran.  I know it’s more than a room.  And even if it was just a room, I wouldn’t think you foolish.”

Zevran still refuses to look at her, which is worrying.  “I thought you would have forgotten that by now.”

“If you want to talk about that or anything else the Crows did, I’ll listen,” Sereda says.  

“It happened so long ago, and anything that happened to me has happened to any other Antivan Crow who survived training,” Zevran says.  

“That doesn’t mean it was okay, or that you’re not allowed to have feelings about it,” Sereda says.  

“Being upset feels foolish.  I completed my training so long ago.  It all seemed normal, at the time,” Zevran says.  

“Zevran, you’re talking to a woman who panics at the sight of the empty sky sometimes.  Just as you don’t find me foolish for that, I don’t think you’re foolish for this.  I just want to be here for you,” Sereda says.  

“I was a child the first time that they put me on the rack.  By the time that I had my formal initiation, it was… easy to lay there and make jokes.  And at the time, I wanted so badly to demonstrate that I was strong and capable of bearing pain.  I thought there was a point to it, but there never really was,” Zevran says, voice cracking.  “There was no point to any of it.”

He finally looks up at her, eyes filled with so much sadness and confusion. It makes Sereda want to find another guildmaster just so she can do  _ something _ .  But there are no enemies to fight right now, just the man that she loves in so much pain before her.

Sereda kneels beside him and rests a hand on his cheek.  His skin is still sweaty and clammy as he leans into her touch.  

“They wanted to crush your spirit.  They wanted to turn you into someone empty and pliant, but they couldn’t.  You escaped from them and now you’re going to destroy them, and that’s so brave, Zevran,” Sereda says, brushing her thumb over his cheekbone.  

Zevran turns to kiss the palm of her hand.  “I could not have done it without you, my dear Warden.”

Sereda shakes her head.  “You did this.  I spared your life, yeah, but everything after that was all you.”

Zevran frowns a little bit.  “I simply followed you.”

“Zevran, you came to Antiva all by yourself.  After stopping the Blight, I would have done anything to call the Crows off.  Not because I love you, but because what was happening to you was unfair,” Sereda says.  “We made powerful friends- or at least powerful people became indebted to us- and we could have taken the bounty off your head using diplomacy, I’m sure.  But you decided to stop them from hurting anyone else, to destroy the people who hurt you.  That’s probably the bravest thing that I’ve ever seen anyone do.”

“I never thought of it like that,” Zevran says quietly.  

“I think about it every day,” Sereda says.

After a minute of contemplation, Zevran smiles at her.  There’s sadness around the edges, but it’s genuine.  It makes her heart skip a beat.  

“I feel much better.  Thank you, my dear Sereda.  I’m ready to finish our exploration of this villa, now,” Zevran says.  “We still have to see if this will make a suitable hideout.”

Sereda beams at him.  “I’ve actually got another idea that I think you’ll like even better.”

* * *

They stand hand in hand, watching the villa go up in flames.  It crackles nicely in the crisp night air.  

“This was a lovely idea,” Zevran says, watching the flames.

“It is always good to watch something go up in flames.  Something that’s not, like, a city, I mean,” Sereda says as there’s an explosion.  “I’ll have to write Dworkin and tell him his explosives came in handy.”

“Give him my thanks,” Zevran says.  

The nearest town is too far away to travel tonight, so they sleep soundly that night, out under the stars that night, bathed in light from the dying embers of the villa.  

“We might not be able to light it all on fire, but we’ll destroy it all,” Zevran says with sleepy determination.  

His head is resting on her chest, arms thrown around her torso.  The moonlight makes his hair look almost silver, and Sereda nods in agreement even though he can’t see her.

“They won’t know what happened to them.  Not at all,” Sereda says.

“No, they will.  I’ll make sure of it,” Zevran says.

The thought makes Sereda smile as she strokes his hair.


End file.
